| for real |
[01 Jul 2002|03:39am] |
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fgdsg |
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okay add ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) binaryxstar for real this time!
for real.
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[27 Jun 2002|03:56am] |
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never hurt worse. |
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i wonder if he realizes how much that hurt.
after he says that shit to me, then I tell HIM that i love him,
and he doesnt say it back.
feels good.
makes me think. this isnt fucking love.
this is pure hell.
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| ;) |
[27 Jun 2002|01:34am] |
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mood |
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 happy |
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music |
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emotep - love song cover (live) |
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betty's voice gives me chills...
hey guess what? since i dont post anymore i didnt tell any of you! i'm going to take singing classes soon :)
not that i need them. *sticks nose in air*
lol just kidding.. but yeah it'll be fun.
okay bye bye journal.
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| vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv |
[27 Jun 2002|01:06am] |
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sneak x thief: everyone says theres stuff in the water here cuz we all have big boobs
jess to the ika: lol!
jess to the ika: maybe something in the water here makes us have one boob bigger than the other
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[26 Jun 2002|02:43am] |
actually. fuck it. i'm deleting this. and my other one. and everything.
i'm always doing something wrong.
fuck everything.
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| time out fo weal |
[26 Jun 2002|12:50am] |
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mood |
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 mellow |
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new journal. friends only. i add no one until they add me.
binaryxstar
i'm going to delete this journal soon, as soon as everyone gets this entry.
it might be back someday, if i'm ever mrs. peters again.
thank you
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| puh. |
[25 Jun 2002|03:43pm] |
stupid dreams. stupid, stupid dreams.
i was okay, and i felt happy(:O) until i had these dreams.
i dream that we are still together, and then i wake up.. and oh yeah, we're not.
this one was kinda funny..
i went to hug him in my dream, and i guess i really did go for it, and almost fell of the couch. lol.
<3
:\
:(
i go to counseling today. maybe that'll help.
my sister is taking me, well, i am driving, but she'll be there.
my mom is dropping off my medicine with her, for her to give me.. because i forgot it at home. maybe that will help, too.
actually, i know the one thing that will help.
tomorrow some people are coming over for a bbq. maybe kat and kendra would like to come? you can bring steve, kendra.
i'll just be all alone (as usual) with no friends, so please get back to me on this, i would love your company :)
sunday alyssa comes. we have some wild plans, let me tell you. mwuahah.
one of which, i'm not sure if i'm ready to do. it might be a mistake, and too soon. but we'll see how lonely i am, at the time.
speaking of lyss, she's at the damn incubus concert >:O
lucky ass...
i broke down lastnight, i got too weak. and i talked to him.
it may have been a bad idea.. but it made me feel good, just to hear from him again.
"you make it all go away"
you do, so much. i wish i could do the same for you.. you used to tell me i could :\
i'm an ass.
he made me feel like the bad guy, when i was just following my heart, like he's doing. i can never follow mine, he is always following his.
is that fair? seriously, tell me. i'm new to love and i have no idea.
*sigh* i'm going back to sleep.
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[25 Jun 2002|01:36am] |
i met someone wonderful tonight
they listened to everything i had to say
they didn't criticize me
they gave me their full attention
they didn't interrupt me
but when i went to give them a hug..
something funny happened...
then, i realized, that it was only a mirror.
i'm not a bad person, why must i be put through this?
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| hardness |
[24 Jun 2002|09:27pm] |
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 crushed |
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so i was in my sisters car, and i looked in here little cubby thing, and there were two pictures that he had drawn. i'm guessing from when she drove him home.
i will keep these forever.
i wish he would talk to me. i wish he would call to at least ask me how i'm doing.
doesnt he wonder?
he doesn't read my journal anymore, or my away messages. doesnt he care anymore?
i wish he did. this is so hard.
just one call to let me know he still cares.
i didnt mean to hurt him so.
you really did it this time jessika.
i guess i'll go back to sleep with my phone. awaiting the call that will change my life.
lyss, and/or chel, i really want to talk to you guys tonight, it will be a hard night.
if i'm not on when either of you are, please, please call my cell. i'll be waiting.
810-488-1516
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| i can do it :) |
[24 Jun 2002|01:26am] |
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mood |
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optimistic |
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i was thinking. what am i doing? why do i have to be so comlicated?
then i thought "you know, you can do this jessika.. you can do anything. you're not as weak as you think. he is being the weak one. let him get strength. and for the time being, just be happy. alyssa will be here in a week, for 2 whole weeks. you'll have so much fun.. and by the time shes gone.. who knows what might happen :)"
that's good i think.
but of course i want to go back to those days, more than anything.
we had so much fun, i cherished every second we spent together.
every smile, every laugh, every kiss, every hug, everything.
i want to go back and do it over again, but this time fix myself before this happens. who knows, maybe i'll get the chance to.
I love him. I love him so much
i miss his touch, i miss his smell, i miss so much.
i miss his goofy little smile he would get that would show me how much he loved me.
i miss looking into his eyes as he tells me the most beautiful things.
i miss how he would get shy when i told him nice things about him, and when i rubbed his freckles.
i miss his adorible laugh. oohh, his laugh. it made me feel so good when he laughed, because i knew he was happy, and i knew he was having fun.
i miss how he would always make me feel better. like when i had mono, i wanted him to take a bath with me so badly, but he didn't want to get sick.. but he risked it, for me, because he knew it would make me better. that was my favorite bath.
i miss waking up in his arms and seeing his eyes barely opened as he kisses my forehead.
i miss how he would pout if he wanted a kiss.
i miss those kisses. they were unlike anything you could believe.
our first kiss, i would go back to that any day. it felt like magic. i knew then, that we would be together forever. and i still know it.
i miss how he was so excited to talk to me after he got home from being out, or at work.
i miss how if i was down, he would be there to cheer me up.
i miss how we would make fun of eachother for bands that we like. hehe
i miss how i could pour my heart out to him.
i miss how we had long talks at night while laying in bed.
i miss how he was the only one i could trust.
i miss how he promised me we would be together forever.
i miss all of our plans.
i miss how we were so excited for it to be warm out.. and then we just sat inside and slept all day.
i miss our naps after we ate dinner.
i miss it all.
but most of all.....
i miss us.
it will hurt for a long time. but i can do it.
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| happy thing |
[24 Jun 2002|12:59am] |
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mood |
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words can't explain |
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i'm at my sisters for the week. i had to get out of my house, even though it's harder here.
i walk in, and i see stuff that he wrote still on the white board that they hadn't erased yet. so cute :)
i'm bringing everyone down.. i don't mean to. they should understand why i'm not my usual jolly self.
me, kat, and kendra are going to hang out while i'm here. they are good friends and are doing all that they can to keep me happy. thank you guys
this was a mistake, when will you see?
happy anniversary..... to nothing
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| eh |
[23 Jun 2002|01:55am] |
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mood |
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crappy |
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music |
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papa roach on mtv :\ |
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holy crap it is soo foggy. it's like seriously in my house.
i have to get up at like 7.
i get bored.. so i draw. i started it along time ago.. i just now got inspired to finish it.
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| whoa |
[21 Jun 2002|04:54pm] |
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mood |
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happy |
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oh fudge. i'm tired. after jon goes to work i think i'll nap some more :)
i post too much, don't i?
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[21 Jun 2002|02:42pm] |
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mood |
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 scared |
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music |
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THUNDER :( |
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WHAT IS THIS REALLY SCARY STORM. ITS REALLY REALLY SCARY
TORNADOS
FUCK I'M GOING TO SLEEP IT AWAY
I NEED JON TO PROTECT :(
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| :D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
[21 Jun 2002|04:21am] |
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mood |
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grateful |
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ignore all of those entries below. he's back. we're back. i knew this was meant to be! i knew it so much.
i love you jon. i love me. i love everyone! and everything :)
i am the happiest person, ever!!!!!!!!
*KISS*
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| i just need to get away |
[20 Jun 2002|02:23pm] |
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for now i have blocked everybody on my aim besides a selected few.
this won't be forever, i promise.
so if i'm online, you're not blocked.
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| :DDDD |
[20 Jun 2002|02:08pm] |
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mood |
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ecstatic |
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he called me, he called me, HE CALLED ME!!!!!!!
</i></b>
how can this be the right. it hurts so bad unless i'm talking to him, or i know we are one.
he told me he loved me. oh how it made me smile!
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| i'm waiting |
[20 Jun 2002|10:10am] |
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just got back from taking my psychology and government exams. i just cheated for the most part. but then i felt sick and just guessed on the rest.
i havent had anything to eat in 32 hours, except for a piece of cereal. then i threw it up.
i managed to get 4 hours of sleep lastnight, and i'll most likely go to sleep here in a few.
i can't do anything to keep my mind off you.
there is always something there to remind me. *sings that cool song* lol.
but seriously.
i can't go outside, it reminds me of all of our plans.
i can't watch tv, all the stuff i like to watch, we've always watched together.
i can't be on the computer, because well, you know why.
i can't listen to music, every song, every lyric, relates to you somehow.
i can't even sleep. it reminds me of cuddling up together.
don't feel bad. i'm not trying to make you. this is just my only way to communicate with you, and i need to tell you how i'm feeling.
i wish you would do the same, just so i know you're okay and that at least one of us are.
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hyper
\m/!!!!