i was thinking. what am i doing? why do i have to be so comlicated?
then i thought "you know, you can do this jessika.. you can do anything. you're not as weak as you think. he is being the weak one. let him get strength. and for the time being, just be happy. alyssa will be here in a week, for 2 whole weeks. you'll have so much fun.. and by the time shes gone.. who knows what might happen :)"
that's good i think.
but of course i want to go back to those days, more than anything.
we had so much fun, i cherished every second we spent together.
every smile, every laugh, every kiss, every hug, everything.
i want to go back and do it over again, but this time fix myself before this happens. who knows, maybe i'll get the chance to.
I love him. I love him so much
i miss his touch, i miss his smell, i miss so much.
i miss his goofy little smile he would get that would show me how much he loved me.
i miss looking into his eyes as he tells me the most beautiful things.
i miss how he would get shy when i told him nice things about him, and when i rubbed his freckles.
i miss his adorible laugh. oohh, his laugh. it made me feel so good when he laughed, because i knew he was happy, and i knew he was having fun.
i miss how he would always make me feel better. like when i had mono, i wanted him to take a bath with me so badly, but he didn't want to get sick.. but he risked it, for me, because he knew it would make me better. that was my favorite bath.
i miss waking up in his arms and seeing his eyes barely opened as he kisses my forehead.
i miss how he would pout if he wanted a kiss.
i miss those kisses. they were unlike anything you could believe.
our first kiss, i would go back to that any day. it felt like magic. i knew then, that we would be together forever. and i still know it.
i miss how he was so excited to talk to me after he got home from being out, or at work.
i miss how if i was down, he would be there to cheer me up.
i miss how we would make fun of eachother for bands that we like. hehe
i miss how i could pour my heart out to him.
i miss how we had long talks at night while laying in bed.
i miss how he was the only one i could trust.
i miss how he promised me we would be together forever.
i miss all of our plans.
i miss how we were so excited for it to be warm out.. and then we just sat inside and slept all day.
i miss our naps after we ate dinner.
i miss it all.
but most of all.....
i miss us.
it will hurt for a long time. but i can do it.